One of the paramedics asked if I heard a ‘pop.’ I wasn’t sure. In retrospect, I think I was in the middle of saying “oh shit!” when that might have happened.

The step-back onto nothing instantly alarmed me, and then suddenly there I was, laying on the ground, clutching my knee and writhing in pain. Lots of swear words, grimacing, maybe some tears. Clenching grass in my fist. The ground was cold.

I was surprised and maybe a little resentful that no one heard me. No one was home at my house, but I thought for sure I’d made enough noise that one of the neighbours might investigate. No. Then I figured, that’s probably for the best. I don’t like to inconvenience people, or draw attention to myself, or ask for help. I’ve been raised to be self-reliant to a fault.

But I couldn’t get up. I couldn’t even straighten my leg. Shortly after the fall, the rest of my body felt fine, but it became clear something was very wrong with my knee. I panicked for a moment as I wondered if I had kept my phone in my pocket – thank goodness I had – and then I had a fleeting smug reaction when I realized that I could use the SOS feature on my iPhone. Press the button several times in a row and it prompts the option to call for help (which is perhaps a bit more involved than actually dialling 911? But I digress.).

It took 20 minutes for the ambulance to arrive. In that time I was able to call my wife (who was out of town for the week, several hours away) and contact my kids’ friends’ parents who I knew I could rely on to hold onto them a bit longer. Funny how the job of managing your kids’ logistics is always job 1, even during your own health emergency.

It was just starting to feel a bit long when the paramedics finally came. It was very reassuring though – I was no longer stranded.

The last two nights, as I’ve struggled to fall asleep, I have pictured what it must have looked like stepping off the ladder from too far up and my extended right leg hitting the ground. Emergency room staff said that I probably hyper-extended my knee. That makes sense, and likely with quite some force. It’s a pretty gross visual and honestly a bit traumatic to think about, especially when I remember how it all felt.

A colleague asked me yesterday if my kids were scared when it happened. I told her they were away at the time, and thank goodness for that. Can you imagine what it would have been like for a child to see and hear that happen to one of their parents?

Instead, they were safe and sound at their friends’ houses until their grandparents came. They greeted me with bravery, concern and curiosity when I finally got home a few hours later. I even got a get-well card from my daughter and her friends – such quick thinking and how utterly heart-warming.