Today is a gross day. I feel trapped.
When I have a full day of work (read: basically sitting still on my laptop for 8 hours) it’s like getting off a long plane ride – that unpleasant, dehydrated, gunky feeling – and you can’t wait to move around.
Normally, those kinds of work days are bookended or interrupted by something active: either I’ve walked to and from work, and/or I have gone to the gym or ridden my bike at lunchtime. Or I come home and mow the grass.
These days, none of those remedies are available to me. Let’s put things into perspective: I can’t bend my leg. I haven’t bent my leg, not for even a second, in over a month. My greatest adventures of late are having showers (mainly balanced on one leg) and sliding into the back seat for one-off trips to the grocery store or for a coffee with my sympathetic wife.
Last week I hobbled out to the scene of the crime – the apple tree I was tending when I stepped off the ladder wrong. That was an adventure too. Unfortunately, it’s in bad shape. The caterpillars really won this year. Poor tree.
Last night, I shared a bottle of wine with my wife – the first time I’ve substantially drunk alcohol since the injury – and I don’t feel better for it (duh). I suspect the same goes for fast food or junk food. Those occasional ‘easy fixes’ will only compound my irritation.
I’ve been reflecting on a moment a couple of weeks ago, when I had my leg unbraced while lying in bed. When it came time to put the brace back on (maybe it was lunchtime or I had to pee), I was momentarily stunned to look down and remember that the leg doesn’t work. My heart sunk. There was a bit of panic. It made me sad.
My leg will heal. My mobility will return. But not yet. And right now, it really sucks. I am trapped.
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