I was awake at 4 AM this morning with burning pain in my knee. It felt like someone had pointed a butane torch at the joint and was searing the underside of my kneecap. These are the consequences of stretching out my remaining painkillers. I’ve decided to save what I have left for bedtime and overnight, and I’ll take normal Tylenols otherwise (this gives me three nights of relief). I’ll be back in touch with the surgeon’s office (and my clinic) on Monday.

Leaving that aside, let’s take a step back (oh gosh, what a terrible metaphor now) and look at the bigger picture. There is something great going on, too.

Part of my personality or psyche or whatever, normally, is that I am always on the move. I don’t sit still for very long and I’m always looking to get stuff done. It feels good to be busy. Accomplishing things feels like I’m doing my part. “Mr. Productivity.” Which is why I was up that ladder in the first place. I’d had a busy and stressful day, worked through lunch (not unusual) and decided at 4 PM (an hour before picking up my kids) that I had time to spray the apple tree for caterpillars. Heck, maybe even mow the lawn. I mixed the spray, took it outside and got the ladder set up. After spraying the tree, it was on my way down that, in hindsight, I was focused on how much liquid I had left in the container rather than where I was on the ladder.

Now, I’m forced to slow down and stay put (a lot). Suddenly, I can’t multi-task. And weirdly, right now at least, it feels like a huge relief. It’s so sudden, so black and white, that I don’t feel an ounce of guilt or regret for not being hyper-productive as usual. And it feels good.

One of the lovely consequences of this change is that my kids are spending a lot of time in bed with me. Before the accident, I was never much of a cuddler, especially in bed. If I was awake, I was up. But my newfound stationary-ness (immobility?) means I’m in bed a lot and as a result, we are spending lots of time cozied-up reading or doing activities together.

My daughter, for instance, is spending nearly an hour a day with me, doing math, reading and problem-solving practice on Khan Academy while I watch and cheer her on. These are areas for improvement for her at school, so this new habit we’re forming is really timely and excellent. Later on, my son has begun bringing a book into bed and we read together. Normally, I’d be asking them to do these things independently, or at least maybe in the kitchen with me while I cleaned or cooked. But I wasn’t giving them the focused attention that they craved, which I now have in abundance. This is real quality time and I’m cherishing it.