To no one’s surprise, it feels the worst when the pain medication wears off. Not only is there pain, but there’s all these other sensations that just suck.

Mainly, it’s that the brace feels like a clamp. Like, you know those black metal paper clips that you squeeze to open? Have you ever put your finger into one and felt the pressure on your knuckle? That’s exactly how the brace feels on my leg when the meds wear off.

And then there’s this other feeling stemming from how my knee is wrapped – either the gauze or the tensor bandage (because it happens even when my brace is loose) or maybe it’s internal – it feels like a thin rope tied tightly around my leg, just below the kneecap.

One of the most frustrating parts of managing these is that I can’t do much to get relief. I can’t rub the knee. I can’t adjust the wrap. I can’t bend or stretch my leg. I guess I can do ankle pumps, or (if my brace was all done up) maybe some forward bends to stretch my hamstring. Ice packs help alleviate the burning. And as I discovered last night, a heat pad helps to calm down my quad.

Anyway, I’m bummed out again. It’s day 11 with the brace and it is definitely starting to annoy me. I know it’s mandatory – without it my leg would flail and of course the repair would suffer and re-rupture. Plus all the pain. And yes, it gives me enormous mobility under the circumstances. That part is still a complete miracle. But having this giant contraption strapped on to me, with its metal rods going from upper thigh to ankle and six massive Velcro straps… it’s like the most freakishly starched pants or heaviest raw denim that never breaks in.

It’s terrible to sleep in (surprise, surprise). Fortunately, I have figured out how to lay on my side, with a pillow propping my knee up – which adds some variety to being on my back all night (presumably snoring like a banshee).

I’m tired of being stuck in bed. I haven’t been outside beyond the front step in over a week. I can’t mow the lawn or go grocery shopping… things I actually really enjoy. And what’s really depressing is that those things won’t happen again for months.

Anyway, snap back into it. Focus on the now. Focus on what’s in front of me. Don’t waste time worrying about what’s out of my control.

Seven days until my surgical follow-up. Then hopefully I can start rehabbing. I always do better with goals and a plan. That’s what I need, and when I get those, I will crush them.

My family’s been amazing as always – my wife has done all the heavy lifting lately plus all her work demands. And my kids are so thoughtful and caring. My son’s every second sentence for the last week has been,“Dad, do you need any help?” And his growing independence. My daughter bringing the Lego catalogues into bed to read next to me, or our new-found daily routine of practicing reading, writing and puzzles on Khan Academy together on my iPad. And the hugs. Such wonderful, sincere love.

It’s not all bad and it doesn’t feel that way unless I let it.

You don’t have to believe everything you think.

You don’t have to believe everything you think.

You don’t have to believe everything you think.